Monday, June 29, 2009
How to help the heart
Yesterday my husband turned 34! I always make a big deal out of holidays. For some reason this year I didn't. A small gift, a banana pudding and nothing more. It has been a crazy year, and I just really didnt take much time to think about it. Boy was that sad times. I didnt even think this was his first birthday without nanny. Nanny is his grandmother, who adopted, raised and loved him more than life its self. Last year, when he was 33, June 28th 2008, I had him a party, nanny came with banana pudding in hand. She told him as she left, this will be the last banana pudding I ever make you. Those who knew nanny, know she would say hateful things from time to time, so I thought, this was just one more of her negative thoughts. She died July 16th 2008. Changed our whole lives! She was our childcare, she was our rock. She was always there for us, she loved my husband and she took care of my kids and she was gone. Just like that, babysitting our babies, and died. I put in my two weeks notice, and here I sit, stay at home mom! Yesterday, I wish I had done more. Supper time came and I said, do you want sandwhiches, dairy queen, or chinese pick up? (PRAYING HE WOULD SAY DQ) He did not! Its ok though, he picked chinese pickup.... I was thankful for that too. I went and got it. Asked him to sit down and eat with me, the day had been so rushed that we hadnt even sat. So we sat down to eat, I asked him was his birthday ok, he said "Its my first one without nanny and I miss her" I said You go back to work tomorrow, I am not good at these conversations, so I think if I change the subject he will not be sad. He said "I think I am going to cry" I sat there with not a word of comfort as my husband cried. It broke my heart, made me feel like a failure and a useless piece of old furniture. I love him more than anything, he is TRULY MY SOULMATE sent to me from the Lord after deep prayer and he is crying and I cant think of one single word to say??? I just wish I always knew what to do to make him feel better and lighten his load....
Monday, June 15, 2009
Update on Olivia
Since Olivia's surgery on 5/21/09 I have not updated. I don't have many followers but I did just want to come here, update the few I do have and get it all off my chest. Ok so Thursday May 21st Olivia had her open heart surgery. We had to be there at 6:00 am. We were glad for an early start. The sooner they start the sooner they finish. Right? Thats what we told ourselves anyway! So we got there, they took her back soon after. We were sent to a room where they got all of her info and #'s. Her oxygen level was in the 70's and had been for weeks, every time it was checked anyways. So sad. That was the main reason we were so READY to have this surgery. Got all info, came in and gave her some liquid medicine that made her very sleepy. She konked out on her daddy and was off to happy land. They looked so precious together. A great friend came by and snuck in our room. We had prayer and good conversation. We requested no visitors, this great friend (really an angel sent to us from the Lord) did not get the no visitor email and came at 6 am. God knew just what we needed and sent it. I was a little overwhelmed because I felt bad that no family was allowed. But looking back I see God just sent what we needed. That would have been a VERY long day with just the 2 of us, but with the friends that came we talked and talked and looking back it made it go by much faster. We got phone updates every hour or so from the operating room. They let us know that everything was going ok. That sure helped too. Her surgery ended right about noon. We were so thankful to see Dr Kogon walk in to talk to us. He told us that when he got in there, there were 2 holes instead of 1. A VSD and an ASD, he fixed both of them perfectly. But he had some not so good news about the Pulmonary Valve Stenosis. The pulmonary valve could not be repaired, once he got in there, it was more messed up than first thought. After trying and trying to fix it, he had to opt to just take it out. What does this mean? Well this means another surgery in about 25 years. Could be more years could be less. We pray for more. I was super discouraged once I heard this. I just didnt know if I could handle 25 years of knowing something is still wrong and that you will have to go through this again. As soon as I saw how much better you are now, and what a difference this surgery made, I came to a real quick conclusion that I am super blessed, so in 25 years or 60 years, I will tell your husband to take care of you, and I will watch the grandbabies for yall! LOL! One friend even mentioned in 25 years, there might be a drive thru for a pulmonary valve, I can only pray!
Anyways, at 2:20 pm we saw you for the first time in CICU. Cardiac Intensive Care Unit. It was a scary sight, after the dreams I had though, I was just glad to see you. You were laying there with all kinds of tubes and wires all in you. You looked so scary and so beautiful. I didnt cry, I held my breathe. There are I think 27 beds all lined up in a row, in there, no privacy between you and the others, I didnt want to embarrass you.
5/21/09 at 4:50 pm you came off of the breathing machine and are breathing on your own. What a blessing. The nurses in ICU are amazed with you. You already want to stand up and roll over. Baby you just had surgery... just rest....
5/22/09 You waved to mommy, It took my breathe away. You had more tubes removed, you smiled, and moved to the step down unit. All GREAT news! You are though realizing that mommy and daddy brought you here and are getting some mad at us, that involved slapping us when we got too close to you. We will let it slide for now, but when we get home we will work on this. Today Gran Gran, Papa, Uncle Lance and Austin came to visit you. They were sad, its ok.
5/23/09 We were in the step down unit. You did amazing, you are drinking and eating small amounts on your own. You look rough, really just your hair.... it is a mess, but we are so proud of how well you are doing. Today Aunt Judy, Uncle Donnie and Nikki came to visit you. You drank so much lemonade it was scary. They brought mommy and daddy subway and we have never been so thankful.
5/24/09 TODAY YOU ARE WALKING UP AND DOWN THE HALLS PUSHING TOYS AND WAGONS, they are going to kick us out of here and we are proud!!! You are doing amazing. We are heading home!!! They told us to expect a week stay, your surgery was on Thursday, and we are going home on Sunday. You had lots of visitors as we got home. You enjoyed it. You showed off for all of them. You are trying your hardest to walk now.... Love you baby!
Since being home, Olivia is FULLY walking, as of 5/25 ish, maybe 5/26. She acts like nothing ever happened... Yesterday was her 4 week post op and other than a scar you could NEVER EVER tell she had anything done. She is doing amazing. She has a temper problem that we are working on, but we are just thankful she is doing so well. Dont get me wrong it has been a process of lots of medicine, watching her extra carefully, and taking care of the incision daily, and the worry of another surgery down the road, but in the long run, or looking back things have went much better than I had in my head. I tell you, God is Amazing and babies are resilient and nothing less. No more blue at all, no more low oxygen, no more giving out easy, breathing hard. You are just perfectly healthy!
In the hospital they called her a big kid! We thought that was cute, but she is also called a cardiac kid now. And boy will she have a BIG story to tell one day.
Remember God is amazing and with him we can get through anything.
Sorry some of this went from talking to you, to talking to her back to you. Its hard to write it all.... wasnt sure I would even be able to write it. I did the best I could.
Back to being a stay at home mommy!
Anyways, at 2:20 pm we saw you for the first time in CICU. Cardiac Intensive Care Unit. It was a scary sight, after the dreams I had though, I was just glad to see you. You were laying there with all kinds of tubes and wires all in you. You looked so scary and so beautiful. I didnt cry, I held my breathe. There are I think 27 beds all lined up in a row, in there, no privacy between you and the others, I didnt want to embarrass you.
5/21/09 at 4:50 pm you came off of the breathing machine and are breathing on your own. What a blessing. The nurses in ICU are amazed with you. You already want to stand up and roll over. Baby you just had surgery... just rest....
5/22/09 You waved to mommy, It took my breathe away. You had more tubes removed, you smiled, and moved to the step down unit. All GREAT news! You are though realizing that mommy and daddy brought you here and are getting some mad at us, that involved slapping us when we got too close to you. We will let it slide for now, but when we get home we will work on this. Today Gran Gran, Papa, Uncle Lance and Austin came to visit you. They were sad, its ok.
5/23/09 We were in the step down unit. You did amazing, you are drinking and eating small amounts on your own. You look rough, really just your hair.... it is a mess, but we are so proud of how well you are doing. Today Aunt Judy, Uncle Donnie and Nikki came to visit you. You drank so much lemonade it was scary. They brought mommy and daddy subway and we have never been so thankful.
5/24/09 TODAY YOU ARE WALKING UP AND DOWN THE HALLS PUSHING TOYS AND WAGONS, they are going to kick us out of here and we are proud!!! You are doing amazing. We are heading home!!! They told us to expect a week stay, your surgery was on Thursday, and we are going home on Sunday. You had lots of visitors as we got home. You enjoyed it. You showed off for all of them. You are trying your hardest to walk now.... Love you baby!
Since being home, Olivia is FULLY walking, as of 5/25 ish, maybe 5/26. She acts like nothing ever happened... Yesterday was her 4 week post op and other than a scar you could NEVER EVER tell she had anything done. She is doing amazing. She has a temper problem that we are working on, but we are just thankful she is doing so well. Dont get me wrong it has been a process of lots of medicine, watching her extra carefully, and taking care of the incision daily, and the worry of another surgery down the road, but in the long run, or looking back things have went much better than I had in my head. I tell you, God is Amazing and babies are resilient and nothing less. No more blue at all, no more low oxygen, no more giving out easy, breathing hard. You are just perfectly healthy!
In the hospital they called her a big kid! We thought that was cute, but she is also called a cardiac kid now. And boy will she have a BIG story to tell one day.
Remember God is amazing and with him we can get through anything.
Sorry some of this went from talking to you, to talking to her back to you. Its hard to write it all.... wasnt sure I would even be able to write it. I did the best I could.
Back to being a stay at home mommy!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Olivia Annalee
Reasons I'm in love with Olivia, the good the bad and the ugly:
She is beautiful.
All I wanted was a baby girl with dark head of hair who LOVES ME SO MUCH and boy did I get her and so much more.
She acts like one of those kids you see and say "my kid will never act like that" SAD TIMES, kicking, screaming, hitting, biting, stomping, and throwing herself back. We are working on all of this.
She shakes all she has when she walks.
She didn't walk until 15 months old.
Her first word was mama.
She is so curvy. It is so cute.
She has BEAUTIFUL teeth.
She has a tender heart in there somewhere. She tries her hardest not so show it though.
She LOVES TO EAT.
Sometimes she looks like a monkey.
Austin says shes mean as a nake.... (snake)
She LOVES HER GRANNY.
She says hey so sweet, often and country.
She is not scared of anything.
She is not nervous at all.
She takes more medicine than anyone I know. Sometimes she spits it back at me, but not near as often as I would if I were her.
She is TOUGH And STRONG, more than most babies I know.
She had open heart surgery and acted like nothing happened.
If she was my first born she would have been an only child.
She loves balls.
She has 2 favorite pink blankets, one with polka dots and one UPS one.
She puts her purse on her elbow and walks around like miss priss.
She LOVES animals, the bigger, the better.
She is a CLIMBER big time and always has been.
She loves to sleep.
She is beautiful.
All I wanted was a baby girl with dark head of hair who LOVES ME SO MUCH and boy did I get her and so much more.
She acts like one of those kids you see and say "my kid will never act like that" SAD TIMES, kicking, screaming, hitting, biting, stomping, and throwing herself back. We are working on all of this.
She shakes all she has when she walks.
She didn't walk until 15 months old.
Her first word was mama.
She is so curvy. It is so cute.
She has BEAUTIFUL teeth.
She has a tender heart in there somewhere. She tries her hardest not so show it though.
She LOVES TO EAT.
Sometimes she looks like a monkey.
Austin says shes mean as a nake.... (snake)
She LOVES HER GRANNY.
She says hey so sweet, often and country.
She is not scared of anything.
She is not nervous at all.
She takes more medicine than anyone I know. Sometimes she spits it back at me, but not near as often as I would if I were her.
She is TOUGH And STRONG, more than most babies I know.
She had open heart surgery and acted like nothing happened.
If she was my first born she would have been an only child.
She loves balls.
She has 2 favorite pink blankets, one with polka dots and one UPS one.
She puts her purse on her elbow and walks around like miss priss.
She LOVES animals, the bigger, the better.
She is a CLIMBER big time and always has been.
She loves to sleep.
Austin Henry
Today is all about why I love Austin Henry, who he is good and bad:
He is a sweet little boy.
He just out of the blue will say I love you mommy.
He is nervous lots and scared of lots.
He tries to follow the rules, sometimes he forgets.
He is very smart.
He has the BEST curly blond hair and I love it!
He LOVES trucks. I mean LOVES and nothing less.
He says "its morning time"
He is ocd like me.
He is long and lean, skinny little man.
Sometimes he asks for an egg sandwich at 9 pm.
He loves BBQ vienna sausages, I know its yucky!
He calls my papa, his great grandpa the mean papa, cause he picks on him. He will say "can we go to the mean papas house?" I'll say yes and he will say Thank you so much! LOL!
He loves his dogs. He says we have normal dogs. Can we keep them?
He loves to play!
He loves his friends.
He really is just a loving little boy.
He LOVES prizes.
He was my first born, the first baby I learned how to raise, and take care of and love. Later I loved but boy when I did, I loved deep and big.
He is almost 4 and wears 18 - 24 months shorts, SO SKINNY!
He thinks Tennessee is a hotel with a pool.
He bites his nails, we are working on this, he has done it as long as I can remember.
He is tender hearted. BIG TIME!
He gets excited when he gets new shoes and ALWAYS has! Its so sweet.
He knows how to act around elder people. He fits right in with them.
He runs more than anyone Ive ever seen.
He walked at 8 months old.
His first word was mama.
He loves the moon.
He is such a DADDYS boy! Always has been.
He craves praise... so sweet.
My vacuum cleaner is a fire truck and he puts fires out with it.
Hes a helper.
He was there when his nanny died and is the only one who can tell us what happened, it BREAKS MY HEART!
He loves to go to the recycle center with me. He Loves it!
He LOVES Music and to sing and dance. Some of his favorite songs are all summer long, roll on 18 wheeler, convoy, I'm a country boy.
He uses tasty, terrible and yucky to describe things.
He sleeps with an ugly brown throw blanket and 2 winnie the pooh pillows. All are ugly but he LOVES them.
He was born with an excessive amount of energy, if I could figure out how to sale it I would be RICH.
He will say I love you mommy, I love daddy and my dogs and weewuah, we are a family. It makes my heart sink every time. I love it more than anything.
He says I pomise (promise) to daddy and it makes daddy so happy!
He is a sweet little boy.
He just out of the blue will say I love you mommy.
He is nervous lots and scared of lots.
He tries to follow the rules, sometimes he forgets.
He is very smart.
He has the BEST curly blond hair and I love it!
He LOVES trucks. I mean LOVES and nothing less.
He says "its morning time"
He is ocd like me.
He is long and lean, skinny little man.
Sometimes he asks for an egg sandwich at 9 pm.
He loves BBQ vienna sausages, I know its yucky!
He calls my papa, his great grandpa the mean papa, cause he picks on him. He will say "can we go to the mean papas house?" I'll say yes and he will say Thank you so much! LOL!
He loves his dogs. He says we have normal dogs. Can we keep them?
He loves to play!
He loves his friends.
He really is just a loving little boy.
He LOVES prizes.
He was my first born, the first baby I learned how to raise, and take care of and love. Later I loved but boy when I did, I loved deep and big.
He is almost 4 and wears 18 - 24 months shorts, SO SKINNY!
He thinks Tennessee is a hotel with a pool.
He bites his nails, we are working on this, he has done it as long as I can remember.
He is tender hearted. BIG TIME!
He gets excited when he gets new shoes and ALWAYS has! Its so sweet.
He knows how to act around elder people. He fits right in with them.
He runs more than anyone Ive ever seen.
He walked at 8 months old.
His first word was mama.
He loves the moon.
He is such a DADDYS boy! Always has been.
He craves praise... so sweet.
My vacuum cleaner is a fire truck and he puts fires out with it.
Hes a helper.
He was there when his nanny died and is the only one who can tell us what happened, it BREAKS MY HEART!
He loves to go to the recycle center with me. He Loves it!
He LOVES Music and to sing and dance. Some of his favorite songs are all summer long, roll on 18 wheeler, convoy, I'm a country boy.
He uses tasty, terrible and yucky to describe things.
He sleeps with an ugly brown throw blanket and 2 winnie the pooh pillows. All are ugly but he LOVES them.
He was born with an excessive amount of energy, if I could figure out how to sale it I would be RICH.
He will say I love you mommy, I love daddy and my dogs and weewuah, we are a family. It makes my heart sink every time. I love it more than anything.
He says I pomise (promise) to daddy and it makes daddy so happy!
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